Truth: My husband and I had grown fond of our empty nest.
Update: It’s not so empty anymore.
For the past three days and the next six weeks, both adult kids are back home in their childhood bedrooms. Our daughter’s bedroom had become my cozy office, and my son’s room had become my husband’s dedicated music cave. My office is now in the corner of the family room, and the music cave is a wall of the master bedroom.
Oh, how I love my kids. I’m simply not accustomed to living with them as adults–adults with their own tastes and habits, their own schedules and priorities. I’ve made it my goal not to complain, but rather to enjoy these weeks as (likely) our last opportunity to live together as a family. Easier said than done.
What will it take to live together well? Communication, communication, and more communication, yes. Healthy boundaries, yes. Clearly articulated expectations, yes.
And what might matter the most? Humility.
My personal study found me this week in Philippians 2. The Christ hymn of Philippians 2:6-11 describes how Jesus made Himself nothing, having a mindset of humility in His becoming human for our sakes. The passage is often cited for its christological declarations, but Paul didn’t include it as teaching for teaching’s sake. The Christ hymn and its call for humility are included to inspire unity.
Those first verses of the chapter lay it out:
…make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others (Philippians 2:2-4).
Harmony is essential for Christian community, and humility is the basis for the harmony. Acting with humility (2:3) is the key to the health of the church in Philippi and my old farmhouse too.
The Christ hymn is the source of seemingly endless academic debate about verb and verb forms (see commentary on verse 7 alone), but what everyone agrees upon is Jesus’ motivation. It was a choice. That’s what matters. Christ’s humility was not pre-programmed at his incarnation, nor compelled by the Father. It was a decision of love.
“But contrary to what one might expect, the true nature of God is not to grasp or get or selfishly to hold on to things for personal advantage but to give them up for the enrichment of all” (Robert H. Stein, Luke, New American Commentary 24 [Nashville, TN: B & H Publishing, 1992],132).
Humility is no idle virtue or end in itself. It’s the grease in the gears. It makes possible other virtues of joy, peace, and kindness “for the enrichment of all.”
What will I give up “for the enrichment of all” my family in these next six weeks? A little quiet? A little tidiness? A whole lot of groceries? Yes, but these are absolutely nothing that aren’t worth the gift of getting acquainted with the people they have become since leaving home.
Last night, with my husband staying late at school for an awards night, my daughter cooked our dinner. The three of us ate dinner outside and lingered, with long respites of silence as we just got accustomed to being together again. My son did the dishes, and we took the dog for a walk. It was good.
The nest will be empty again before I know it. I might even miss these weeks when they’re finished.
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