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February 8, 2023 | Leave a Comment

Sometimes Marriage Stinks. Until It Doesn’t.

(This is the second in an unintended mini-series on marriage. My apologies to the single folks. Here goes….)

Former First Lady Michelle Obama caught our attention at the end of 2022 with an interview in which she admitted that her marriage was terrible for a period of time. 

Her comment:

“People think I’m being catty by saying this — it’s like, there were 10 years where I couldn’t stand my husband,” she said. “And guess when it happened? When those kids were little.” (here)

Friends, this is not news. Marriage is hard. Marriage is really hard when the kids are young and need us the most. Work? Extended family? A few forgiving friendships? All the endless tasks of parenthood and homemaking? Me time? Ha!

My daughter was still in diapers when I attended a clergy retreat in southern Illinois. Well, it wasn’t exactly a retreat for me. The rest of the clergy were staying in a lovely B&B while I commuted an hour and half each way from home so I could still be mom. 

I said as much over lunch to one of my colleagues, who shook his head. “I’m so glad those days are over,” he reflected. “It’s so nice not to have to hate my wife anymore.”

Huh?

He explained. “We were always in competition. For a little extra time. A little less work. A little less responsibility. We hated each other for a while,” he kept going. “We don’t anymore.” 

I remember wondering when “anymore” would happen.  [Read more…]

Marriage, Parenting, Patience Tagged: marriage, Michelle Obama, motherhood


January 17, 2023 | Leave a Comment

Unequally active: a word of wisdom for couples

What follows is a humble word of wisdom, as I survey my own and other churches of like and larger size.

It’s a word of wisdom for couples.

The apostle Paul has a lot to say about a lot of things, and one of those things is marriage. In 1 Corinthians 7, he addresses married couples, exhorting them to stay sexually active. Believers married to unbelievers are encouraged to stay married, unless the unbeliever leaves, because, who knows? The unbeliever might be saved by the spouse. Later in 2 Corinthians, though, in instructions traditionally understood to describe marriage, he famously encourages, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14).

But, it’s not these “unequally yoked” partners in whom I see the most common strain. Most couples I’ve known would both describe themselves as believers. They’ve both stood before the church and professed their faith in Jesus Christ as Savior. Both are typically baptized.

The challenge comes for these couples in figuring out exactly what that means for each of them and what they can expect of each other.

Wifey grew up in a marginally churched family. Christmas and Easter are sufficient with an occasional appearance when the kids are singing, right? But Hubby wants to go more often where he sees his friends and feels closer to Christ. Wifey wants Sunday morning to get the house clean. Hubby signed up to usher. Wifey wants to sleep in. Hubby wakes up by 6 a.m. anyway, so why not go?

Unequally yoked? Maybe, but probably not. Unequally active? You betcha, and it puts strain on the marriage and frustrates both partners.

Here’s my simple word of wisdom: Normalize conversations with your spouse about your commitment to the church. 

  • Talk through what you expect and why you expect it.
  • Be honest about the frustrations.
  • Make it okay (really okay) for one spouse to go without the other.
  • Compromise, make a plan, and stick to it.

A dear woman I know attended worship most Sunday mornings by herself for years. Was she happy about it? No, but she and her husband had talked it through. There were no false expectations. When her husband started attending later in life, the pastor (not me) nearly fell over in the pulpit, but managed to keep a straight face. No one gasped (not audibly at least), so he came back. And he kept coming back. He would not have come back if he’d been guilt tripped by either his wife or the congregation. She could not have kept coming without him if he’d not understood her needs. Mercy must abound on all sides.

“Follow my example,” wrote Paul, “as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1).  Follow the example of this couple, I suggest, as they (finally…together) followed the example of Christ.

Church, Discipleship, Marriage Tagged: Active, church, marriage


August 23, 2018 | Leave a Comment

What Facebook—and Twitter, Instagram, and (maybe even) Snapchat—can teach about witnessing to Jesus

Today is my anniversarissy. That’s not a typo. “Anniversarissy” is the word formed by combining “anniversary” and “Missy” (my legal first name), and it’s the word my then-boyfriend-now-husband invented to celebrate the day when we first began dating. It happened on August 23, 1990, and we haven’t fallen apart yet.

Screen Shot 2018-08-23 at 1.44.57 PM

In celebration of this, our 28th anniversarissy, I posted a message to Facebook about it. I wrote much of the same things I just shared, along with a photo taken just a few years after that fateful day. I don’t have a photo of us on August 23, 1990, since that was long before the days of cell phones and the ubiquitous selfie.

Why did I post it? That’s an interesting question. [Read more…]

Discipleship, Evangelism, Family, Marriage Tagged: evangelism, marriage, social media, witness


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This is the day that
the Lord has made;
let us rejoice
and be glad in it.

– Psalm 118:24
Rev. Dr. MJ Romano

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Bible Verse of the Day

For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.
Romans 5:19
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