No is no No is always no If they say no, it means a thousand times no No plus no equals no All nos lead to no no no
They’re lyrics from an old They Might Be Giants song titled (appropriately), “No!” When our kids were toddlers and a little older, we sang it to them. A lot. That’s probably why they’re in therapy now. (Here’s the song.)
In the early 1860’s, John Brett proposed to the poet Christina Rossetti. Christina said no. John didn’t give up. Without a They Might Be Giants song to play for him, she wrote him a poem instead. It’s titled (also appropriately), “No, Thank You, John.” Here are a couple of its more memorable verses:
I never said I loved you, John:
Why will you tease me, day by day,
And wax a weariness to think upon
With always “do” and “pray”?
Let bygones be bygones:
Don’t call me false, who owed not to be true:
I’d rather answer “No” to fifty Johns
Than answer “Yes” to you.
Poor John. Maybe he needs therapy too.
Jesus had something to say about our yes’s and no’s. Early in his Sermon on the Mount, he’s teaching about swearing oaths. They’re not necessary, He said. Oaths, after all, are just a concession to the fact that we human beings like to tell fibs. We’re called to be different and better.
“All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’,” Jesus taught, “anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matthew 5:37).
“When a Christian says, ‘I will be there,’ the Christian will be there,” wrote Frederick Dale Bruner in his commentary on Matthew. “When a Christian says no, the Christian means no. When a Christian joins a group or enrolls in a course or accepts an invitation, the Christian fully means what that act entails and is faithfully there.”
In other words, a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ ought to suffice. Mistakes happen. We forget. But, we sincerely intend to do whatever we say we’re going to do. Yes. No.
Of course, many of us–maybe too many of us–have a hard time saying that no even when we know it’s necessary. There’s not enough time in the day or energy in one ol’ body to say yes to every little thing.
I’ve gotten better about saying no in the past several years. Being an instructor at our college helps a lot. Students actually appreciate a simple yes or no. They might not like it, but they know where they stand and what they need to do. Church members, colleagues, community folks, they might not be as appreciative, but they get it. If someone judges me for saying no to one more thing, then the judgment is on them.
It occurs to me, too, that there’s a flip side of this teaching. Followers of Jesus, if our simple yes or no suffices to say to others, then a simple yes or no ought to suffice when other followers say it to us.
This is hard too. Sometimes, I really need someone to say yes. Yes, I will usher this Sunday. Yes, I will help with youth group. Yes, I’ll organize the Rotary Easter Egg Hunt. Yes, I’ll cover your class for you when you’re out of town. Yes, I’ll send that email for you.
If the friend or colleague or church member I’m asking is honest and faithful enough to say no, when they know they don’t have the time or interest or capacity, then I’ve got to trust their answer and trust God that someone else will be available or maybe it (whatever it is) just doesn’t need to get done. I’m not above begging, granted, but I try to use it sparingly.
And, a final note, a final reading of Jesus’ simple instruction, is this. Sometimes God says no too. And we’ve got to take it for what it is, trusting again that His timing and His will are perfect.
